Forever and Always
by bloodyhell-ronald
Summary: After a bad dream, Rose wants to show the Doctor why she still wants to travel with him. Set after Satan's Pit. Just a bit of fluff.


He blinked. Confused, at first, but as soon as he felt her stir in his arms, he was wide awake.

Of course. It was her room.

The Doctor sat up slowly, soaking in the unfamiliar and yet so common scents, the colours of her bedroom. The pink walls, with photos of him and her, Mickey, Jack and even Sarah Jane with K-9. He especially liked the one of his former regeneration with Jack she had taken. A proof to him she really liked the whole him and didn't mind about the regenerations, about the changes. Because sometimes, if he was honest with himself, he was so scared she wanted the old Doctor back, not New New Doctor. The TARDIS gave him a soft buzz whenever he felt that way, reminding him of how much she cared about him.

Little bits and pieces she'd found or bought in galaxies far far away were carefully placed on the shelves. Things she'd gotten on planets with burning surfaces, planets with grass smelling like apples and planets she saw more in than he ever could. One time, they had been on a market planet, Trexepidal, where Rose insisted on buying a personalized gift for him. The small ceramic TARDIS now stood on the desk in his own room, holding some flowers. Yellow roses. How pathetic and yet, how telling. The longer he'd travelled with Rose, the more bits he'd stored himself, usually gifts by her or things that reminded him of their adventures. His most prized possession however was a picture of her and him, taken back in the 1950s. She didn't know it, but he carried it around in his suit's pocket.

It was fascinating. When he looked around her room, all he could see was simply _her._ Rose Tyler, his pink and yellow human. With her pink bedroom walls and her yellow bedding.

"_Doctor, it's antique pink, not just any pink," she had told him once._

"_Looks pink to me."_

"_And I thought you were the one with the brilliant eyes and all the amazing Time Lord senses." _

"_Weeeeell.. I'm wearing glasses! Colours aren't my territory."_

_She had chuckled ever so lightly, making him grin, a wide and happy grin._

Oh, Rose Tyler. How light-hearted she could make him.

His companion.

His _companion_.

_His_ companion.

There was no correct way. In his head, he kept repeating those two words over and over again. His _companion._ Not friend, not acquaintance, not love interest, not partner. _Companion._ That's what she was, wasn't it? A mate who travelled with him, through time and space until forever would come too quickly and steal her away from him. She was his _companion._

But she was also _his _companion. Only his and no-one else's. Not Mickey's, not Jack's, not Adam's. His.

Sometimes, when he looked into her eyes and remembered not to get too lost in them, he could see something. Maybe wanted to see something. Some clue that she really was _his _companion rather than his _companion._

Rose was stirring more vigorously by now. Tossing and turning from side to side, while still in his arms.

He tightened his grip, just a bit, to make her feel safe. The Doctor couldn't quite make out what she was mumbling, but the tone of her voice raised the panic within him. She'd had nightmares before. But usually, he wasn't in her bed, trying to sooth her. Usually, she would wake up screaming, sweaty and full of panic. The TARDIS would wake him or slightly nudge him, if he was awake, to go to her, calm her down. Whenever she'd had a nightmare, just seconds later the Doctor knocked on her door, a cuppa with him. Tea always helped her relax, helped her fall back to sleep.

But this time has been different.

"_Doctor?" Rose had asked him, slightly chewing on her bottom lip. He couldn't remember a time when she had looked so insecure, so small and just human. _

"_Yeah? What's up?"_

"_Can I... May I... could you... I thought I'd lost you!" she'd finally said, before breaking down in sobs, "I thought you'd died in that pit, thought I'd never see you again. Ever!"_

_Seeing her cry, that he was used to. It was never easy, mind you. But he managed to cope rather well with it. Only nightmares. But this was real. It was real fear, it was her losing him, her thinking him dead._

"_Oh Rose, my brilliant Rose..." He'd rushed to her, around the console, pulling her into a tight hug, stroking her hair, "You won't lose me. Ever."_

_Which was only partly true. He didn't plan on giving her up anytime soon. He didn't plan on giving her up ever. But when the time came, she would die, right before his eyes. She might not lose him, but he would most certainly lose her._

"_That's not a promise you can keep", she had whispered and he knew too well the truth of her words, "I die in battle, the Satan said."_

"_And I told you, you're not gonna die anytime soon. Oh Rose... you're safe with me."_

"_You couldn't promise my mum to keep me safe. You can, of all people ,not promise me. I know our life. And I love it. Wouldn't trade it for the world", she'd managed to choke out between sobs, which had made her whole body shiver and his with it. _

"_If you want to go home..." The Doctor'd let the rest of the sentence trail off in fear of her answer._

"_Don't be daft. Never ever. But Doctor... tonight... could you... would you stay with me? Just... just hugging until I fall asleep. You can leave then. I know you don't need much sleep and if you're bored with being next to me, you can always leave..."_

"_Don't be daft", he told her, letting go of Rose only to cup her face with his hands, "Really. Don't be daft. I'll stay with you tonight. Make sure you're alright."_

It was the first time she had ever invited him into her room. Well, he'd been there for chatting and sometimes he'd even read her a book, but he'd never slept there. He'd slept next to Rose in the library of the TARDIS, on sofas, in her old bedroom, but never in her TARDIS bedroom. He felt as if this was a very big gesture.

One's room was something very private. One's bed was even more so. He couldn't help but be amazed by how much it smelled like her. He loved every bit of sleeping next to her. The feel of her head on his chest, the sound of her heartbeat, her warm breath slightly tickling his neck.

He had to chuckle, despite her being in agony. Only one heartbeat. One racing heartbeat.

The Doctor felt panic inside of him. Again. Racing heartbeats. He knew them just too well. Pain was written all over them.

He pressed Rose closer against his chest, caressing her back, drawing circular sweet nothings with his fingers. Only he would ever know what they said.

Just as the Doctor relaxed because Rose had stopped shivering, she jolted up, screaming.

Her cries sent shocks through his whole body, making him want to puke from fear.

"Rose... Rose, please, there's no need... Rose..." he tried to calm her down, trying to reach out to her, to take her back into his arms.

Whenever his hand came near her, she started to scream even more, her voice full of terror. As if she wouldn't even recognize him.

He's never tried to wake someone up from a night terror before. Never ever. He was on his own, couldn't rely on anything he's read or done or seen before.

Hold on a minute. Of course! Rose had waked him up plenty of times when he was in this state of blind panic. What did she do? What did she always do to help him? How did she always wake him up? He didn't even know! He never remembered, there was usually just panic and then her face, close to his, her eyes locked onto him. Her beautiful, beautiful face, her eyes full of concern and pain. Why was she always in so much pain?

But he got it now. He was in pain watching her being in pain. It hurt like hell. Even worse. Because Hell was not a good comparison, given what has happened recently.

"Rose..." he tried again, looking at her, straight into her anguished eyes. "Rose, it's me. It's the Doctor. I'm here, I'm with you. I'm with you, I'm here." The Doctor repeated his mantra, not knowing whether he tried to sooth her or himself.

"Rose, my brilliant Rose..." The Doctor reached out and cupped her face, as she had calmed down a bit.

"Doctor?" She blinked a few times, bringing herself back to the real world.

"Hello", he smiled at her.

"Hello", she smiled back, still shivering and shaking all over.

The Doctor drew her into his arms, hugging her softly. "It's fine, Rose. It was nothing but a bad dream. Would you like to tell me about it?"

She nodded softly, not backing away. Instead, she snuggled closer into his arms, her head resting on his chest.

He wanted to give her time, as she always gave him time to adjust to reality, to build up the courage to talk about what had made her cry out in agony.

"Two heartbeats. You'd think by now I'd have gotten used to that. Still haven't. Amazes me every time. You amaze me", she mumbled softly into his suit.

Smiling softly, the Doctor stroke the back of her head, ran his fingers through her hair.

"I dreamt..." She took a deep breath, trying to fight her tears, "I dreamt you were dead. Satan killed you and then he came to get me. He came and he didn't kill me. He sat there, watching me. Ridiculous, isn't it? Don't even know what he looks like." Rose chuckled and sobbed at the same time, trying not to break down.

"He sat there and told me you've left me. Told me about how you went off with Reinette while I was in danger. Told me about how you didn't want me to meet Pete in the parallel world just because you're selfish. I wanted to shout at him, tell him to shut up. But I couldn't. I had no voice, Doctor... nothing came out. He showed me how you've died. Showed me the last seconds of your life, told me you've used up your regenerations because I killed you. The former you. Doctor, I'm so sorry I've killed you, I'm so sorry... please don't leave me, please don't..."

"I won't leave you, Rose. Never. You didn't kill me, you saved me. You brought me to life. I'm forever thankful. Rose, my lovely Rose, brilliant, fantastic Rose. It was nothing but a dream. This is real, Rose. You and me, in your bed."

She chuckled, her face wet from her tears. "You and me, in my bed? That's supposed to be real, eh?" Rose now shuffled back a little, grinning at him, tongue between her teeth.

"There she is! Hello Rose. Care for a cuppa?"

"I'd love a cuppa" she smiled, hugging him one last time before she followed him into the kitchen.

He had to do something. He had to show her how much he cared about her, how important she was to him. Maybe then she wouldn't have another dream about her killing him.

As the Doctor prepared the tea, he didn't dare to speak. He never spoke when Rose took care of him. It was always her chatting away, telling him some story about her friends from Earth. He didn't know what he was supposed to tell her. If he even was supposed to. Maybe she preferred silence.

But he couldn't take it. He couldn't just let her sit there, knees brought up to her chin, arms slung around her legs. Her eyes weren't focused on anything, just blankly staring into space.

The Doctor dragged his chair next to hers, setting the mug in front of Rose. Hesitantly, he took her hand and squeezed it lightly.

"It's okay, Rose."

"But I've killed you", she whispered softly, "I've killed you and you've left me behind."

"You've brought me to life. Why can't you understand?"

It took her some time to answer. Still staring blankly, she answered him at last: "Why can't you understand that you're no monster but a hero?"

"Fair point though." He smiled, very proud of his pink and yellow human. She sure knew how to stand up to him. Oh, how he admired her.

How he loved her.

"Rose, tell you what. I'll spoil you a bit. You choose any place, any time, whatever, whenever, wherever you want to be. We go there. We had some pretty tough adventures. Sanctuary Base 6, the Cybermen, Pete'sWorld... I want you to be happy. Just for once."

"I was happy in the 1950s", Rose smiled and squeezed his hand back. She turned around to face him. "Doctor. I know what I'm asking now is dangerous. Never cross your own timeline, I know. But we did it with my dad's death. And I... I want to show you something. A younger me. A version of me you don't know. I want to see myself before I've met you. Hardly remember Pre-Doctor-Rose-Tyler anymore. I want to show both of us that we belong together. Even if we doubt it all the time."

"Where exactly do you want to go?"

"December 27th, 2004. London. Just somewhere around Piccadilly Circus at ten in the evening."

He raised his eyebrow questioningly, but didn't say anything. She was allowed to have her secrets just as she allowed him to have his.

"Okay. In the morning. Drink up, brilliant Rose, and we'll go back to sleep."

"We?" She looked at him rather confused. "We? As in you'll come with me?"

"Oh, of course I will." He grinned at her. "It's fun watching you sleep. If you're not having a nightmare, you quite like to pull really weird faces."

"I... I do?"

"Weeeeell, yeah. Like this." The Doctor began to stick out his tongue, scrunched his nose, rolled his eyes and pulled his ears.

Rose watched him, tongue between teeth grinning at him.

"Oh stop it, you!" She finally laughed, "I don't look like that when I sleep!"

"Well, how would you know? You can't see yourself sleeping, can you? No, because then you're asleep."

"Clever Time Lord deduction?" Rose asked him cheekily.

"Clever Time Lord deduction", he grinned at her.

Rose quickly finished her tea and the Doctor was glad to see her cheeks being slightly coloured again. Her pale face, white as a wall, had freaked him out just a little. Did he look that dreadful whenever he was in distress over a nightmare? How could she even bear it? His face, his screams, his panic? How could she bear that he didn't recognize her in his state of agony? His hearts had nearly stopped when she lashed out as he wanted to touch her.

All he wanted was for her to be safe.

"I hope I won't wake you again..." Rose looked at him, concern filling her eyes.

"Oh, don't you worry about me", the Doctor told her, slightly tugging his ear. He was a bit worried about it happening again but not too much. He knew how to handle it. "Off you go then, bed it is. We have to see the Pre-Doctor-Rose-Tyler tomorrow."

The Doctor climbed into bed after Rose, pulling her close.

"So sleep tight, Rose. I'm here, always remember I'm here. No-one can hurt you as long as I'm around."

"And you'll always be around." She sighed softly, burying her face in the crook of his neck, dozing off in an instant.

He sighed, too, but for different reasons. He smiled a little to himself, partly because Rose was so close to him and he loved everything about it. And partly because of what he didn't tell her: she didn't only make funny faces but also talked in her sleep. Nothing to worry about, just a _Hello Doctor_ here and an _I'm not a tiny dog! _there. He giggled light-heartedly, kissing the top of her head. Even a parallel world hadn't been able to produce another Rose, a proper Rose. Because the only real Rose was his version.

_The valiant child, who will die in battle so very soon._

The Doctor shivered, drawing her closer to him, only to feel her stir against him. Oh, not again. He groaned inwardly at what would come next. He whispered things into her ear, things he'd never say out loud but could in his language.

"Doctor?"

"Oh, hello there", he was a bit startled upon finding her awake in his arms without screams or crying, "Thought you'd be asleep."

"Yeah... no. Woke up before the dream could get really bad."

"Oh, well, that was fortunate then", he said, tugging his ear, smiling wearily at her.

"Were you singing?" She rubbed her eyes, yawning, looking up at him.

The Doctor smiled at her state, just so sleepy and still a bit confused.

"No, I wasn't. I tried to calm you down, your heart was racing and I tried to calm you down."

"Sounded like singing", she murmured, "You hardly dance, but sing? Nah, must've been a dream."

He chuckled lightly and kissed her hair. "Oh Rose. It was Gallifreyan. You've heard it before."

"Have I? Don't remember..."

Of course she didn't. She didn't even remember that she'd looked into the heart of the TARDIS, didn't remember their kiss, let alone his words to her after the kiss.

"Maybe you should sleep again, Rose. Just close your eyes."

The Doctor started gently rubbing her back, tracing his fingers up and down, left and right. Oh, the words he wanted to utter so badly but never could. How he hated himself for not giving in. For giving in. At least he could write them.

It took Rose a while to fall back to sleep again but as soon as the Doctor made sure her sleep was stable, he closed his eyes until morning.

When he opened them again, he had the feeling that something was wrong. So very wrong. The Doctor sat up, ran his fingers through his hair and looked around him.

No Rose.

"Rose?" he called out, "Rose, where are you?" Quickly, he pulled the covers off him, jumping out of bed to burst out of her room.

"Rose? Rose, please, where are you?" By now, he was on the verge of losing it. What if she'd had another bad dream? What if he'd not woken up to sooth her? What if she was mad at him for not being there for her, when all she ever did was being there for him?

"Rose? Rose, come on..." His panic grew with every passing second, every step he ran to find her inside of the TARDIS. But oh, his beautiful TARDIS. She slightly nudged him in the back of his head, leading him towards the kitchen.

"Oh Rose..." he sighed relieved, "There you are."

"Of course here I am." She grinned at him, tongue between her teeth, "because I, as a tiny human, have to eat, you know? Time Lord deduction mode not activated right after you woke up?"

He looked at her blankly before chuckling a bit. "Yeah, not so much the morning type of guy..." he said, tugging his ear lightly.

"Did you... have you... Did you sleep well?"

"I did. Thanks for staying with me, Doctor."

"So... no bad dream then?" he asked while pouring milk into his cereal bowl, very concentrated with not spilling anything.

"Not even a second of it. You're great company, you know? Very soothing, just your presence..." she trailed of, being just as concentrated on her cereal as the Doctor was.

A silence followed. The Doctor wasn't sure if it was an uncomfortable one, but as Rose began to hum slightly while eating, he decided that she was fine and he was fine and the silence was, too.

After a while, the Doctor cleaned up and sat down again. "So, December 27th 2004? Off we go?"

"Doctor." Rose chuckled. "I'm still in my jimjams. So are you."

"Yeah, alright... weeeell, suppose I go and change then. Meet me by the console in 30 minutes?"

"'S that a date?"

"A... date?" He looked at her, eyes widened.

"Not a date date", she quickly told him, seeing him in obvious discomfort about that word, "just... Oh, never mind. I'll be there in 30 minutes. Promise."

Rose smiled at him before she left the kitchen to get ready.

A date. They've had had a date before. They've had chips. He liked chips. Then why was he freaking out?

New Earth had been sort of like a date. They'd settled down in the apple grass and just talked. A bit like a picnic, without food and with Cassandra possessing Rose's mind and body. Not a perfect date but for him, when he looked back on it, it counted as a date.

Shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts, the Doctor changed as well, getting ready for their trip. 2004. Rose must've been 18 around that time. What did he know about her 18-year-old-self? She dropped out of school two years earlier. Because of some bloke. So, what did she want to show him? It was only three months before they've met for the very first time. Before she'd turned him inside out.

"Off we go then?" Rose grinned at him, taking his hand before leaving the TARDIS. "I'm so very excited to see me!"

"Rose... you're not allowed to talk to yourself. You know that."

"Yep," she nodded, popping the 'p', "I know. And I won't. I did well with seeing my Dad..."

"Weeeeell... let's say you did okay and then you did brilliantly."

"I'm fine with that", she laughed, walking a bit closer to him.

The wind blew sharp, snow was falling. Not much, but still a bit. It was still London, mind you! Hardly any snow in London.

The Doctor still wondered where they were heading, as Rose suddenly stopped.

"Here's a good place. Just... watch." She grabbed his arm a little tighter, as if she wanted to hold him back from doing something really stupid.

He felt her shaking next to him but couldn't tell whether it was the cold wind or something else that caused her reaction.

"That's a bar, over there. And any minute now, Mickey and me will be coming out", she whispered.

So she was with Mickey then. Not just her. Rose and Mickey. The dream team. Oh, he knew the look that boy shot her. Mickey the Idiot. Always was, always will be. Though, the Doctor had to admit, it was pretty tough of him to stay in Pete's World.

But this was not Pete's World Mickey. This was kissing-Rose-too-long-Mickey, the Doctor decided as he saw the couple coming out of the bar.

Way too long. And she didn't even seem to like it.

The Doctor tensed a bit. Not too much, though.

"Yeah, he wasn't a good kisser", Rose told him, a small smirk playing on her lips, "Keep on watching, Doctor."

Without thinking, he drew Rose closer to him, her arms around her waist from behind. The Doctor wanted to make sure she was here, with him, in his arms. Not in Mickey the Idiot's. He, of all people, knew just too well that it was the past. That they weren't gonna change anything at all. Still, seeing Rose and Mickey made his hearts scream in vain, unheard and unanswered.

He felt Rose stiffen in his arms as a second man approached the couple. The Doctor quickly kissed her on the cheek, just a small peck, to let her know she wasn't alone.

"Jimmy", she told him, looking up at the Doctor, "my first boyfriend."

"The one because of whom you dropped out of school."

"Yep. That's him. Drunk as fuck."

The Doctor nodded, giving Rose a small squeeze of reassurance.

The man, Jimmy, stumbled over to the couple.

"Ah, Rosie", he yelled at her, completely wasted, "Didya think I'd just let ya walk away?"

"Shove off, Jimmy", younger Rose growled at him, while younger Mickey the Idiot stepped forward.

"I can handle it, Mickey," younger Rose told him sharply, "Just leave, Jimmy."

"What if I don't wanna, eh? Who's gonna help ya if ya even keepin' back ya loser boyfriend?"

"I'm helping myself. You've ruined enough."

"I've shown ya the world!" He was trembling with rage and Rose... the Doctor had never seen her that small, that insecure. To him, she's always been this wonderfully strong shop girl. Never someone who would let anyone yell at her. But there she was. Pre-Doctor-Rose-Tyler in 2004. Unrecognizably weak, even though she tried hard to stand up to him.

"I've shown ya more than a bloody chav like ya would ever deserve!" Within a second, he'd hit Rose.

"I'm gonna kill him", the Doctor muttered through clenched teeth, "and Mickey the Idiot, too."

"Not his fault, Doctor. Stay with me. Last time I was the one to run off, don't repeat my mistakes and change the wonderful future which is still ahead of young-me."

He nodded, still furious. But she was right. He shouldn't interfere. Last time they crossed her timeline... well, he didn't want to think about it. Instead, he turned away from Rose, facing younger Rose again.

She was hit a second time, with more force than before, while Mickey was calling the police. Oh, this bloody idiot! He should've hit back instead of letting Jimmy steal his phone.

"Ya think I'm stupid?" Jimmy yelled at him, "Ya think I'd let ya call the police?" Without hesitation, his fist collided with Mickey's nose.

Just then a proper fight broke out. Mind you, between Mickey and Jimmy it was already bad, but Rose was showing them the first glimpse of what she was about to become.

"I'm not gonna let you treat my boyfriend like shit! Not after you've treated me like shit for two fucking years!" Young Rose yelled at him, punching Jimmy in the stomach, causing him to fall on his knees.

"Mickey, we're going", she demanded, taking his hand and walking away. The Doctor could see her shiver. Whatever Jimmy had done to her, it must've been awful.

"If you want to, you can beat him up now", Rose whispered into his ear, "Everyone's gone."

"They'll think it was you", he remarked but still loosened his grip on Rose.

"Never heard of him after this evening, though..." She trailed off.

"Oh, I'll show him hell!"

Rose stepped aside. The Doctor knew he shouldn't do it but this person had hurt his Rose so so badly. He'd broken her in so many ways and the Doctor wanted him to suffer for it. He wanted to be the Oncoming Storm, for Rose, for his tiny pink and yellow human.

"Hello", he smiled as he walked up to Jimmy, "nice to meet you, I'm the Doctor. Oh, by the way."

The Doctor took out his Sonic Screwdriver, pointing it at the nearest street lamp to burst the bulb, so Rose couldn't properly watch him. He didn't want her to see his rage.

"If you don't stop harassing Rose Tyler, I guarantee with all I have that I'll make your life a living hell."

"Ha, as if!"

He soniced another streetlamp, pointing the screwdriver at Jimmy.

"A. Living. Hell," the Doctor told him, calmly but with a fire of hate raging inside his eyes and his voice, "Back off, Jimmy."

He stared at Jimmy for a moment before the young man ran away, faster than ever in his life. Quite cheerily, the Doctor came back to Rose, taking her hand.

"All done. He won't bother you anymore. Well... he didn't bother you anymore because of that."

"So you changed my future before I even knew you", she smiled at him, "thank you, Doctor." Rose gave him a small peck on his cheek, taking his hand in hers.

"Say, fancy going back to the TARDIS and watching a movie, Rose Tyler?"

"Yep. Tell you what: you're even allowed to choose."

"Oh, am I? I know exactly the right movie!"

After making tea and popcorn once back in the TARDIS, the Doctor and Rose huddled together on the sofa, watching the Muppets Christmas Show. After being out, he felt quite Christmas-y. In addition, the Doctor absolutely adored the movie.

"So..." Rose began after halfway into the movie.

"So?"

"What did you tell him?"

"Just the usual stuff." He shrugged his shoulders, drawing her closer. Her head lay on his chest, raising and falling with every breath he took. It was beautiful to watch. She was beautiful to watch.

"Rose, why did you take me there?"

"Because I wanted you to see how small I was before I met you. Now I'm brilliant. Full of life. I want you to understand that you can never ever break me. You get that? No matter what you think, no matter how many people you've lost, I'll always be there. At your side."

The Doctor shook his head, sighing. It cannot be. I'd never work. He'd see her wither away in front of his own eyes. She's mortal. He's not.

"Always. I promise. Come what may, I'll always be there with you. For you. You've saved me and whatever happens in the future, I know I'll be in your hearts."

"Forever." The Doctor smiled at her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.


End file.
